Why shouldn't we compare our children?
Many parents make the mistake of buying children with siblings, friends, family, this as a means to make them react to bad behavior. What we should all know is that these comparatives are not so good in the formation of identity and that it can have a negative impact on the behavior of children.
Next, we will explain some aspects in which it can affect them, as well as some recommendations that can be of great help to change the way we communicate.
Comparing our children has a great impact on the psyche of children, comparing them makes them lose what they really are, disconnecting them from themselves, just because of the desire to be with whom we compare them, unconsciously they begin to build on what others require losing their self worth, causing inferiority complexes, anxiety, low self-esteem and insecurity, a strong need for perfection that will lead them to feel frustrated by not getting the results they expect to self disqualify themselves. These attitudes will not only allow them to have positive changes, but will promote the adoption of negative behavior-management behavior patterns.
The best way to motivate our children to have behavioral changes is to project them to positive actions and constant changes that are beneficial for their mental and attitudinal development.
How can I achieve it?
First it is necessary to do a work on ourselves, changing the thinking of, that, as we were educated, we must also do it with our children. It is important to understand that times are different and that children come with many changes, with greater skills, are more perceptive, so about those skills and improvements, we must focus.
Positive words have a special power over the human being and make us magnificent, self-confident and self-destructive people, as they can also produce the opposite if the words are negative, much more in children, at their young age we are programming to be someone specific in the future. Words directed towards them must be positive and strengthen their self-esteem, even when their behavior is not what we expect.
Comparative words should be replaced with positive words such as, for example, you who are so obedient, because you behave that way, or because you are being disobedient? Here we cancel the comparison, we praise it, but in turn we lead it to reflect and self-assess its bad behavior. The question, why do you do it ?, encourages self-reflection in them, conditions them to be analyzed and we are programming them to achieve self-regulation of their emotions and their actions.
Keep in mind that your child has the right to be different from others, cannot have the same qualities as his brother or friend, nor the same personality, are different and must be accepted as is, obviously being oriented and corrected as many times as necessary , but always without comparisons.